“Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”12. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?”“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”“I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”“How many people here have telekenetic powers? “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”15. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”46. Very witty type of awakening into the reality of life.Hey, Thanks for this post. Love is. I should have asked for a jury.”“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”“A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.”“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”“It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.”“It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.”“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.”“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”“If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”“If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”“You tried your best and you failed miserably. “Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”53. There is no cure for curiosity.”“Never doubt the courage of the French.

If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”“Be careful about reading health books. The just-misses. Discover and share Bad Advice Quotes. “Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”6. That's relativity. You made my day!
We've compiled a list of top 80 funny sarcastic sayings and awesome quotes about sarcasm. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”“Do not take life too seriously. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.”“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”“My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.”“Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.”“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”“The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.”“Americans are incredibly inpatient. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. '”“The world is a globe.

“Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.”35. “I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.”80. They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”“God is at home, it’s we who have gone out for a walk.”“In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. I feel ten years older already.”“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”“I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.”“It’s just a job. “Think I am sarcastic? “Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”45. “I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”42. '”“My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit.

“Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”21. lilhannahs Report. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.”“It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”“You can’t have everything.

“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”66.
I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.”“Life moves pretty fast. I’m beginning to believe it.”“They say marriages are made in Heaven. 69 Copy quote. You may die of a misprint.”“Clothes make the man. … “People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”32. Looking for the best sarcastic quotes? It looks fun.”“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? “I love sarcasm. “Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”57. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.”“Men are like shoes.

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